[IELTS Writing] 기출 12 – Test 5

캠브릿지 대학 공식 출판 교재 12권 아카데믹 Test 5 공부한 내용 정리 및 오답 노트

[Task 1]

어느 나라의 연령대, 남녀 별 정기적으로 운동하는 퍼센트 bar chart 분석

예시 답안

  • 5.0 – 5.5 점
  • 애초에 잘못쓰인 답안은 의도를 살려서 고쳐도 +1점 정도 됨. 예시 답안은 작성자 의도를 살려서 고치는 연습만 하고 모범 답안을 반복 공부.
  • 녹색 : 나의 교정 (틀릴 수 있음) , 빨강 : 강사 교정

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australia men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010. It’s interesting to the bar chart.

  • 문제에 있는 내용을 그대로 적어서 안좋아 보임.
  • below 의미없어 보여서 뺌
  • group -> groups
  • It’s interesting to the bar chart. 는 비문이고 흥미롭다는 건 필요 없는 문장 같음.
  • below 의미 없어 뺀다
  • Australia -> Australian
  • group -> groups
  • 문제에 있는 내용을 그대로 적어서 안좋음.
  • who did regular physical activity => paraphrasing => who exercised regularly
  • 마지막 문장 불필요한 내용이고 틀린 문장. 굳이 쓴다면 This is an interesting characteristic of the bar chart.

In 15 to 24, Australian men’s percentage of doing regular physical activity is 52.8 and women ‘s percentage is 47.7. Compare with men and women, men’s percentage is higher than women’s percentage.

  • In 15~24 group,
  • Australian과 표가 설명하는 regular physical activity 에 대해서 반복 할 필요 없어보임.
  • In 15~24 group, the percentage is 52.8 for men and it is 47.7 for women. Compare to women’s, the percentage of men is higher.
  • Among men who are from 15 to 24 years old, 52.8% do regular physical activity. Also the percentage among women is 47.7%. Comparing men and women, the percentage among men is higher than the percentage among women.
  • Compare with 안됨 => Comparing

However, bars’s changed and interesting. After 25 to 64, men’s percentage are increasing. In 25 to 34, men’s percentage is 42.2

  • interesting 같은건 필요 없어 보임.
  • 도표도 잘못 해석한 것 같고 무슨말하는지 모르겠다. 총체적 난국이네.
  • There are interesting changes in the figures. (굳이 첫문장을 살린다면)
  • Men who are older than the age group from 25 to 64 show an increasing trend. 현재로 썼는데 과거 년도를 넣을거면 과거형으로 고쳐야 합당.
  • increasing (upward) <=> decreasing (downward)
  • 42.2% of men between 25 and 34 years old exercise.

Besides, In 35 to 44, the percentage are decrease until 39.5. After over 45 age, a few increase like 43.7, 45.1 and 46.7. However, the percentage couldn’t over 50%. Then, women’s percentages are increase until 54 age like 52.5, 53.3.

  • Also, the percentage of men between 35 and 44 years old decreases to 39.5%. The percentage of men is increasing through the other groups, can’t over 50% though.
  • On the other hand, the percentage women of women under 54 years show increasing trend.
  • Besides 는 너무 비격식적이어서 Writing에 쓰지 않는다.
  • In addition, the percentage of men between 35 and 44 years old who exercise decreases to 39.5%.
  • After age 45, there are slight increases to 43.7%, 45.1% and 46.7%.
  • However, there is no percentage that is over 50%.
  • On the other hand, women within the first two age groups who are younger than 54 years old show figures of 52.5% and 53.5%, respectively.

Although women’s percentages are decrease after 55 age, the percentages are higher than men’s percentages. In conclusion, men did regular physical activity more than women when they were teenager and mid twenties. After mid-twenties, however, men’s percentage was decreased and women’s percentage was increase.

  • Although the percentages of women over 55 years old show decreasing trend, they are higher than these of men in same period.
  • In conclusion, men exercise regularly more than women until their mid twenties.
  • However, the percentage of men decrease and the percentage of women increase after their mid-twenties .
  • Although there is a decreasing trend in the percentage of women over 55 who exercise, these figures are higher than the figures among men.
  • In conclusion (overall), men in their teens and twenties exercise more than women who are in the same age.
  • However, it is clear that the percentage of women in their mid-twenties who exercise is increasing when this group of men shows a decreasing trend.

점수대별 특징 및 장점 정리

  • Band 5.0
  • 시험관 리뷰 : 내용 면에서, 주요 특징들은 다룸. 구성은 분명한데 전체적으로 논리적이지 않음. 자료를 특정 연령 그룹에 연결 시키기 어려움. 언어 사용 면에서, 어휘는 적당한데 (높은 수준은 아닌) 단어의 형태나 표현에 많은 부정확성이 있고 문장구조가 단순하고 자주 부정확하다.

내 답안

모범 답안


[Task 2]